Uneasy

Once again I'm home.




Actually that's not what I wanted to write about...

The thing is that I feel like losing myself.

It's not about change.
Just losing.

When I'm home with my family, 

with my two younger siblings,

I simply feel like a failure.

I cannot do anything right

and I just keep strugling.
Having them set quite high standarts.

There is not so many things I can be good at.

I know it.
My final exam at school was awesome...

...but that's all.
I'm not good in anything...actually I'm pretty bad I think.

Even my siblings don't really care,

yet I try to do.
But I can understand them.
We have nothing in common...

...except parents.

And the worst is when both of them are home together.

I sometimes feel like invisible.

I thought I found something I can do,

and which can kill some of my time in usefull way.

After one really good lolita meetup...

...

...everything stopped.

I can just go and make new meetup all alone...

...and on top I ended as the still-angry one again.

And also tried to be changed.

Problem is...that things I'm really

excited about to do,

I do with full of my heart.

So when I can organize something,

I'm happy but serious.

And I thought about help with

one girl's dream.

For making big event.

Really big one.

To do something I'll be good at,

and also which can make people happy.

I believe in myself with it.

I know what to do.

How to embrace that dream.

And I probably went too serious about it.

...just because I see it as serious thing.

I cannot help.

But they don't have time for it.

And since we're team of three...

...I cannot do it alone.

So all my excitement and whole the long time plan...

...just stopped.

And I just look into my notebook to kill my time.

I feel more sunken than I was before.

But they just wanna care about themselves.

When they need me, they call me.

But the worst thing is trying to change me.
Telling me that I should or shouldn't do this.

It makes me angry.

And even worst...

telling me that I'm nice and intelligent,

and that I can get over it.

Just give me break, please.

What do you know?

Sometimes I just cannot go over it.

I try to do everytime.

When my siblings nearly bully me.
When I try to do the best, to be carring,

to be good friend...to try to help others

and my lolita community...

And I just end up as a bad and angry one.

I was trying to help you with your dream,

and I ended up being lectured about me and my life.
When newbies are mean to you, just because

you showed you're human same as them.

Yeah, you all says it's fun.

But is it really?

How much you know about people,

before starting to repair their life even 

that you wasn't asked for help.

Since I do not need it.

Currently aside my family,

I need just two people...

...and my plush fox.

Don't ask for helping me...

...just give me break sometimes.

I forgot half things that I wanted to write.

I guess it's okay.

Since only who's gonna read it is me after some time.

Last month...or so...

Long time no see!
...AGAIN!!!

Yeah my fault again.

I know, I know.
But first I have no time,

and then I was lazy and at home.

I mean my real home,

not Prague.

But now I'm quite back.

What everything changed?

Well...Cosplay ball is successfully gone.

But I have to admit, it was real fun!

Since playing games with Darcia

and my brother...
(since we stayed at his place)

till ball itself
and also way in night city to flat.

Even way there was fun!
I somehow knew where to go,

but we decided to follow

one pair who I thought also went there.

Yeah, they did...

but soon, they followed us lol.

But since I'm really good navigator,

we successfully arrived,

skipped whole qeue,

(thanks to my ninja skills and Yuki at front)

and got free welcome drink!

(Some even two. God bless people who don't drink!!!)

Honestly...

I was trully surprised by whole ball.

From decoration to atmosphere including also music.

 And people was really nice.

And cute! 

♡

Here are some of my friends from lolita~

I found my new prey and also old one
(yet, she's still young...or immortal!)

And also old enemy...

...we fought...

...and I won!
And everyone lived happily ever after!
(IT-REALLY-HAPPENED!)

She's immortal, right?

Here is video!

And also last, but not least~
Let me introduce you,
my own lolita gang:

HOLY TRINITY!!!

 I made this name on our chat just randomly,
but I really like it so we started to use it.
Mainly for an organization of meet up.
For now just one, first in row.
It'll happen this Saturday.
Hope it'll be fun and we got blessings!
(lol)


 So currently we worked hard
(lol or not)
on this meetup.
It's chocolate themed and with
dress code.
But also with program and photoshooting.
I hope the weather will be good.
Since last two days snowed and today rain.
I beg you weather!
Please be nice!
 (^o^)"




Maybe you noticed that I still lacking in
365 Lifestyle Lolita Challenge...
Actually I'm lacking in many things in my life
(as excercising, German, eating...lol)
...but let's face the fact that'll probably not gonna continue.
YET!!! Unlike 30 day lolita challenge...
I TRIED HARD!!!
(lol)

Some other news:
(Except that I'm lazy but it's not new)
☆ I changed work

☆ Due to this I started to eat again
(It's 2 days for now lol)
☆ I want to live again
(well...mostly lol)
☆ I GOT THAT DAMNED VIP AT URBAN FAIRYTALE!!!
(To both day actually)

BTW if someone go there and will like to share hotel room,
please let me know!

☆ I plan another tattoo...
☆ ...and another earring.
☆ I started to use special hashtag
on Instagram and it's
#littleadventuresi
(i - goes for Iri lol)
☆ Finally I saw Le Petite Prince and cried a lot!!!

Also...
If you know some interesting story/fairytale
including strong prince character,
please let me know!
Or else I'll have to go for Frog prince...
...and I'm afraid I'll not get kiss. (;A;)


I think that's all today.
Hope to see you soon again!

Good night!!!

Oh...and nearly forgot!
I drew after ages again~

This one is for Darcia
Message included on Facebook:
"For always stick with me.
Even that I know it have to be damn terrible and exhausting.
And for always listening my whines and don't give up,
even that I'm such an emo sometimes or mean or grumpy.
I'm very thankful for having you. ♡

...and that you have guts to be my Willhelm! >:D"

Delay of 365LLC

Sorry for lacking my 

365LLC post.
I got many things to do today...

(and days before)

...

(for example spending money =__=")

No, really sorry.
I'll do it ASAP.

On other hand...

...I also made a new blog.

Czech one.

Because Czech wanna read in Czech.

lol

Say nothing better.

Someone plan to go to Urban Fairytale

to Berlin?

I do.

I hope to get VIP.

Or else I gonna be very unhappy.

I wanted two of them but they're like:

"No, we don't want your money."

(...you'll have nothing to eat. lol *joking*)

And now instead of writing post,

I was too busy by playing Unlight

and watching Mate Kamaras in

Die Schatten werden länger.

He's awesome!!!

And I found old 2005 version!!!

(*A*)

Well...as apologize, here is my photo

from Metamorphose Wien Tea Party,

you never seen here before lol

Enjoy and Good night!

365 Lifestyle Lolita Challenge - Week 3

This week I'm posting really late.
I'm sorry for it.
Just time fly really fast sometimes.

But let's make it now!!!

(^o^)

It was interesting idea.

My favorite fragrance is Platinum Egoiste,

but it's not fresh nor good for sleep.

(And it's EDP so it'll stay there for looooong!)

So I use Oriflames fragrance mist.

One from Aimi collection - Whispering breeze.

I believe it's white tea with jasmine or something like this.

It's pretty fresh fragrance.

And smelling so nice.

Heh...guess I wasn't really successful with this one.

I tried to think over about some meal,

but nothing came to my mind.

Except really fancy meals.

I'm not really tuned on cooking now, 

to tell the true.

But I'll like to make something delicious

and healthy...

...for certain person.

But if you have some ideas for this kind of meal...

...please feel free to give me ideas in comment bellow!
(^^)

Hm...I see flesh salad with roasted bacon~

Definitelly one of places will be
Opéra Garnier in Paris

I spend nearly hours infront of it, 

but never went into.

Also other Paris places.
Louver (again), Versailles (again)...and many others.

I really like Paris.

(obviously)

And then...maybe Neuschwanstein.
I really don't know.
There are many pretty places I wanna go...

I remember we did it as a children.

Long, long time ago...

Style them nicely, and press them carefully in book.

...but usually some leaf got folded and left unperfect.

Heh...

...let's try it again this year.

My handwrigting, right?

Well...I have different styles of handwriting to tell the true.

But let's try it.

So here I go!
Upper one is when I try.

Lower one when I write something fast

and mostly for myself.

Usually I make more waves than letters actually have.

But I write very small letters.

Okay they're little bit bigger when I tries. Pfff...

BONUS POINTS!!!

...for everyone who find out 

where are quotes from.

(without using a Google!!! Honestly no cheating!)

Does it really have to ballet?

I wanna go to opera, or some theater.

I know they have Blue Bird play.

I wanna see it! (^o^)

Oh...did you got distracted from that I have to

check ballet actually? Good... (^^)

That's the most hard of the challenge till now.

Since I don't have dream print at all.

I'm sorry.

I cannot make this one.

at 4 a.m.

This is status I post just a minute about on my FB.

Due to circumstances.
I may be romantic or dumb.

Or both.
You can decide and think what you want.

But this is what I believe in and feel as a love.

It's now not accepted.
But I hope I don't push and don't try to push or convince.
(In agressive way (and also hope that not in annoying.))
And still cherish that friendship we have.
But people constantly talk me over to stop,

to give up.

So here is my thought about it all...

~~~

Stories about great love are maybe only stories, and maybe they never happened, but none of them end up "I'm gonna give up on her."
Love means sacrifice.
Which is what make it valuable, and which is most optional in possitive way. Because sacrifice is not only about suffering.
Most of girls (or even boys) dream about someone will love them greatly and unconditionally. Love them for their very being.
Yet when you hear about someone who do, you try to convince them to stop.
I don't mind it. I mind nothing. I don't mind sacrificing something in neither way, negative or possitive, I don't mind being dumped, I don't mind waiting.
I just feel what I feel. And I know it's not desire for something with is unavailable for me.
Yeah sometimes I'm depressed, sometimes I'm driven in fear and anxiety...but there are times I'm incredibly happy for just one sentence, or just one mean joke which for some reason makes me feel warm inside.
I want to thank you for all your concern, and I know many of you keep telling me various things because you care and because you see how unhappy I'm sometimes. But most of you don't see the happy times, most of you don't feel them like I do.
I never said I'll wait for forever or that I'll turn my back to other people. But I'm not going to give up, just because many of you gonna convince me.
Yes, this all makes me unhappy, but it also makes me happy, so it's like life itself.
You cannot talk about love and try to make someone to kill their.
And I cannot simply give up, or stop for any reason...because I feel what I feel.

...and because I really like one of my fictional character and take him as my hero! >:P

 ~~~

365 Lifestyle Lolita Challenge - Week 2

I succesfully enter week 2!!!
Yaaay!!!
While I'm writing this it just means,

that I put fist day entry lol

But if you read it it means I successfully posted it!!!

Congratz me! lol

So day 8 isn't it?

I never went there during lolita meet up I think 

(not really in night lol)...
...well...true is that I went up there in night with my favorite princess 

while she wore lolita and me kinda lord 

("lifestyle" Kamijo lol)
Does it count as meet up? XD

Still Prague castle and St. Vitus cathedral are my favorite Prague spots 

even during the day light, 

but at night it's more charming I think
♡

I do not own picture or copyright

I do not own picture or copyright

Accidentally I just did it one day before this challenge.
Unfortunatelly I can't/don't want to show it yet.
Because I plan to sew it asap,
for ball.
And I want to be sure I'll do it.
So maybe I'll be able to design some other soon.

Okay...I tried hard!!!
I REALLY DID!!!
But the damn h.NAOTO+ shop
is probably closed.
(Yet I didn't hear it and saw photos not so
long ago Oo)
And I cannot find it even at their site.
Shop in Osaka is kincs at all...
...and others are in shop.
*sigh*

I think I give up!!!

Actually my grandma makes bobbin lace,
as long as I can remember, so I pretty much know
about this style of making lace.
And she's soooo awesome and skilled in it!

This is one of her works from latest
(I took the photo at last summer I think)
Mucha serie.
Isn't it beautiful?

She also made me sets of tablecloths with lace
and many other things for wear or decoration.

And I know that when I was young,
she also taught me.
Now she have my devil cousin boys
as apprentice, but they totally love it.
Maybe I can also start once again...
...or not.
Who knows?! lol

(Un)Fortunatelly I have my superfancy dishes at my home.
My parents home I mean.
Since here in Prague I live with flatmates.
It was just pain in heart as I saw my
previous flatmate (and ex lol)
how she handle my super cool
Zepter knives, so I never even once thought
about take my superfancy dishes my grandma
gave me to Prague.
Maybe once I'll have my own flat, or something similar.
But I did eat from best I own here.
(Which is not really much difference, because
I didn't bother myself with much dishes at all here.)

Unfortunatelly I didn't got the time

to read that day.
But I read Kamikaze girls.
It counts not? lol

But I'll try to read something maybe today.
Since I have nearly nothing to do.

Ehem...I do not know?
It's already 4 letters!!! *A*

Let's see!

Aristocratic

Black

Visual

Cross

Crown

How this seems to you?

I find it legit!
Let's end for today!

If you ask why I posted it so lated today...

...My mom visited me here in Prague yesterday,

because of some course about chocolat she had today.

So I was both days busy.

But hope you enjoy.

If you also do this challenge,

please share with me I'll like to see.

Have a good night everyone

#365LLC #365LifestyleLolitaChallenge

Day 5 - Lolita Challenge

This day stopped me for about year.
Since year ago I didn't have even wishlist.

So I waited for some things I'll like to own appear.

And it took while.
Also I'm not sure if it's already 10.

I think still maybe not...

...let's see!

Day 5 – 10 items from your wishlist.

01. I think it should be my beloved platform boots!

Couldn't find better pic...sorry (=___=)"

 That was one of things which I was sure about.

And I needed new one. *sigh*

 But good news!

They should be on way to me!!!

\(^o^)/

*Happy Me is happy* 

 02. In white also count as separate? lol

Because I DO really NEED them!!!

(*A*)

They're beautiful.

But I was forced to buy bed now...

...so no white now (;A;)

 03. For about 2 years maybe the only dresses

I always really wanted!!!

 D.Walkure by Metamorphose.

In black gonna be the best!!!

Because I simply love uniforms!

♡

04. Speaking about D.Walkure and uniforms...

 Male version is also pretty awesome don't you think?!

(*A*)

05. For quite long I also really want these nails!

These beauties are from Suppurate System,

which unfortunatelly 

closed bussiness now.

*sigh*

I really liked this brand a lot.

I have two rings and eyepach from it.

06. The currently need is this outfit!

Le Petite Prince outfit by I'm not sure now, 

but I think it's Alice and the Pirates.

I really like Little Prince a lot...and this is just awesome!!!

07. Also long time wanted item!

Book shaped bag.

(Because I already have coffin one!)

But not just some!

I wanted exactly this one!

Blue Bird print on cover.

Because I adore that book.

It's very lovely.

And I already ordered it as this Xmas present.

I'll be happy I hope!

08. This coat

It's from h.NAOTO.

I'm not sure if it's current STEAMPUNK colelction now.

But it was love on first sigh.

Even that it was wore by THAT man I don't really like...

...here:

 

I'm sorry (I'm not!!!) I just don't like him.

But let's admit he looks good here...

...and let's pretend I NEVER said it!!!

 09. Current need!

Please take Gackt's photo just as illustrative photo.

(maybe lol)

I just decided (upon many things)

I need priest robe!!!

Please just don't ask why lol

10.

 Uhm...okay...there is nothing...I knew it!!!

So number 10 gonna be updated once...

...maybe lol

That's FINALLY move in challenge!!!

(After year!!!)

P.S. Did you also noticed that I always 

post a lot after New year?!

 Good night!

♡