Uneasy

Once again I'm home.




Actually that's not what I wanted to write about...

The thing is that I feel like losing myself.

It's not about change.
Just losing.

When I'm home with my family, 

with my two younger siblings,

I simply feel like a failure.

I cannot do anything right

and I just keep strugling.
Having them set quite high standarts.

There is not so many things I can be good at.

I know it.
My final exam at school was awesome...

...but that's all.
I'm not good in anything...actually I'm pretty bad I think.

Even my siblings don't really care,

yet I try to do.
But I can understand them.
We have nothing in common...

...except parents.

And the worst is when both of them are home together.

I sometimes feel like invisible.

I thought I found something I can do,

and which can kill some of my time in usefull way.

After one really good lolita meetup...

...

...everything stopped.

I can just go and make new meetup all alone...

...and on top I ended as the still-angry one again.

And also tried to be changed.

Problem is...that things I'm really

excited about to do,

I do with full of my heart.

So when I can organize something,

I'm happy but serious.

And I thought about help with

one girl's dream.

For making big event.

Really big one.

To do something I'll be good at,

and also which can make people happy.

I believe in myself with it.

I know what to do.

How to embrace that dream.

And I probably went too serious about it.

...just because I see it as serious thing.

I cannot help.

But they don't have time for it.

And since we're team of three...

...I cannot do it alone.

So all my excitement and whole the long time plan...

...just stopped.

And I just look into my notebook to kill my time.

I feel more sunken than I was before.

But they just wanna care about themselves.

When they need me, they call me.

But the worst thing is trying to change me.
Telling me that I should or shouldn't do this.

It makes me angry.

And even worst...

telling me that I'm nice and intelligent,

and that I can get over it.

Just give me break, please.

What do you know?

Sometimes I just cannot go over it.

I try to do everytime.

When my siblings nearly bully me.
When I try to do the best, to be carring,

to be good friend...to try to help others

and my lolita community...

And I just end up as a bad and angry one.

I was trying to help you with your dream,

and I ended up being lectured about me and my life.
When newbies are mean to you, just because

you showed you're human same as them.

Yeah, you all says it's fun.

But is it really?

How much you know about people,

before starting to repair their life even 

that you wasn't asked for help.

Since I do not need it.

Currently aside my family,

I need just two people...

...and my plush fox.

Don't ask for helping me...

...just give me break sometimes.

I forgot half things that I wanted to write.

I guess it's okay.

Since only who's gonna read it is me after some time.

Last month...or so...

Long time no see!
...AGAIN!!!

Yeah my fault again.

I know, I know.
But first I have no time,

and then I was lazy and at home.

I mean my real home,

not Prague.

But now I'm quite back.

What everything changed?

Well...Cosplay ball is successfully gone.

But I have to admit, it was real fun!

Since playing games with Darcia

and my brother...
(since we stayed at his place)

till ball itself
and also way in night city to flat.

Even way there was fun!
I somehow knew where to go,

but we decided to follow

one pair who I thought also went there.

Yeah, they did...

but soon, they followed us lol.

But since I'm really good navigator,

we successfully arrived,

skipped whole qeue,

(thanks to my ninja skills and Yuki at front)

and got free welcome drink!

(Some even two. God bless people who don't drink!!!)

Honestly...

I was trully surprised by whole ball.

From decoration to atmosphere including also music.

 And people was really nice.

And cute! 

♡

Here are some of my friends from lolita~

I found my new prey and also old one
(yet, she's still young...or immortal!)

And also old enemy...

...we fought...

...and I won!
And everyone lived happily ever after!
(IT-REALLY-HAPPENED!)

She's immortal, right?

Here is video!

And also last, but not least~
Let me introduce you,
my own lolita gang:

HOLY TRINITY!!!

 I made this name on our chat just randomly,
but I really like it so we started to use it.
Mainly for an organization of meet up.
For now just one, first in row.
It'll happen this Saturday.
Hope it'll be fun and we got blessings!
(lol)


 So currently we worked hard
(lol or not)
on this meetup.
It's chocolate themed and with
dress code.
But also with program and photoshooting.
I hope the weather will be good.
Since last two days snowed and today rain.
I beg you weather!
Please be nice!
 (^o^)"




Maybe you noticed that I still lacking in
365 Lifestyle Lolita Challenge...
Actually I'm lacking in many things in my life
(as excercising, German, eating...lol)
...but let's face the fact that'll probably not gonna continue.
YET!!! Unlike 30 day lolita challenge...
I TRIED HARD!!!
(lol)

Some other news:
(Except that I'm lazy but it's not new)
☆ I changed work

☆ Due to this I started to eat again
(It's 2 days for now lol)
☆ I want to live again
(well...mostly lol)
☆ I GOT THAT DAMNED VIP AT URBAN FAIRYTALE!!!
(To both day actually)

BTW if someone go there and will like to share hotel room,
please let me know!

☆ I plan another tattoo...
☆ ...and another earring.
☆ I started to use special hashtag
on Instagram and it's
#littleadventuresi
(i - goes for Iri lol)
☆ Finally I saw Le Petite Prince and cried a lot!!!

Also...
If you know some interesting story/fairytale
including strong prince character,
please let me know!
Or else I'll have to go for Frog prince...
...and I'm afraid I'll not get kiss. (;A;)


I think that's all today.
Hope to see you soon again!

Good night!!!

Oh...and nearly forgot!
I drew after ages again~

This one is for Darcia
Message included on Facebook:
"For always stick with me.
Even that I know it have to be damn terrible and exhausting.
And for always listening my whines and don't give up,
even that I'm such an emo sometimes or mean or grumpy.
I'm very thankful for having you. ♡

...and that you have guts to be my Willhelm! >:D"